Mind your manners, please

I'll be the first to admit, whether it's the classic "Gone with the Wind" or the romantic comedy "Sweet Home Alabama," I can see the charm of a chivalrous Southern beau pursuing his beloved Southern belle. Part of the charm, I imagine, largely involves the "chivalry" aspect. Southern hospitality has been a concept that describes the politeness, deference, and civility characteristic of rural regions. But is this traditional Southern civility disappearing? As this New York Times article suggests, it's quite possible Southern manners are declining. Historically, Southerners enforced strict rules regarding "courtesy and deference" as a means of enforcing "social order in which women and blacks were considered less than full citizens." Against the backdrop of the Jim Crow era, the "code" of "hyper-politeness" smoothed "the edges of a harsh racial system" between black and whites. As the racial tensions slowly faded, the courtesy and manners remained. Southerners have worked to maintain that cultural marker of civility. But as Charles Reagan Wilson, professor of history and Southern culture at the University of Mississippi notes, proper manners are declining in the South:

Manners are one of many things that are central to a Southerner’s identity, but they are not primary anymore. Things have eroded.

And many Southerners blame the erosion of civility on newcomers. Between 2000 and 2010, the population in the South increased 14.3 percent. This unprecedented immigration influx from other states and countries makes the South the fastest growing region in the country. Many of these "newcomers" are largely "outsiders trying to escape the pressures of life in bigger cities," according to media specialist Saahara Glaude.

The "outsiders" from the big cities, however, don't necessarily take on "Southern identities" too quickly, if at all. As second grade teacher Dana Mason of Birmingham observes, part of it might have to do with the overall faster-paced lifestyle and the "demise of the home-cooked family meal." But in her 36 years of teaching, she observes manners are at their lowest level yet in her classroom. Parents who move to the South tell her outright they don't want their children saying "yes, sir" or "yes, ma'am" because it's "too demeaning."

In addition to the burgeoning ranks of newcomers to the South, scholars attribute the social shift to technology and globalization. As digital communication accelerates the access to information, the South has become less insular. Whereas in the past taking the time to add the proper "thank you" and "please" seemed appropriate, modern communication streamlines the process and eliminates the need for formal etiquette. Formal salutation in a text message, for example, would seem out of place.

The declining civility in the South might not altogether be so bad, however. When it comes to politics, Southerners such as Nathalie Dupree actually appreciate that "we are now more willing to say what we think" rather than beat around the bush for the sake of politeness.

Perhaps the decline of manners in the South is inevitable, but some Southerners hold on to the belief that civility and politeness will remain a unique characteristic of the region. Dorothy McLeod is one of them. She has taught thousands of children in her program, Social Inc., ballroom dancing and proper etiquette to combat the modern family of two working parents with no time to teach it themselves. For the rest of us, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to say "thank you" and "please" more often.