That's the headline for Monica Potts' essay in The Atlantic. It's based on her forthcoming memoir, The Forgotten Girls, which was scheduled to be released on April 14 but has been delayed until May 30.
Potts writes from Clinton, Arkansas, population 2,602 and the county seat of Van Buren County. It's where she grew up, on the southern edge of the Ozark mountains, a place with a median household income of about $46,000 in 2021. Potts describes the culture this way:
Almost everyone goes to an evangelical church, and in the halls of the town’s only high school, everyone knows everything about everyone else, or seems to: whom you dated, where you bought your clothes, how you acted on weekends, and even your destiny, inherited from the generations that came before you.
Here's part of her story:
Growing up in the ’90s in Clinton, Arkansas, all that my best friend, Darci Brawner, and I dreamed about was getting out. “I want to see new people and new places,” I wrote in my journal when I was 12. I wanted to move to California but would take “any state besides Oklahoma or Mississippi.” We wanted careers; we wanted to be rich and famous; we wanted to be far away. Boys and sex would only stop us, catch us, or so my mother had warned.
* * *
I moved away for college when I was 18. While I was gone, I heard updates: who was getting married, having children, getting divorced. I heard worse stories, about who was on drugs, who’d been arrested and sent to prison, who was in rehab, who was in rehab again. Who had died. By the time I was a journalist writing about rural poverty in my mid-30s, I’d seen studies and data that helped me put the stories from home in context. One of the most alarming trends emerged about a decade ago.
That trend was the shrinking life expectancy of women like those who'd raised her, those she had grown up with. Potts got curious about why these women were being lost not only to deaths of despair but to cancer, heart disease and other chronic conditions. The essay continues:
I returned to Arkansas more and more, trying to reconnect to my hometown, looking for answers. In 2015, on a visit home, Darci contacted me out of the blue. We’d once been as close as sisters, but that spring was only the second time I’d heard from her in the nearly two decades since high school. We visited, and as we caught up and reminisced, I began to realize that I could pinpoint the time when our lives had first begun to diverge. It started during those boy-crazy middle-school years, when we were at the cusp of growing up, when our futures had not yet been written.
Some of us—because our parents were strict or wealthier and more educated, or because we were “good girls” too nervous to break the rules, or because we were just plain lucky—got out. Others got pregnant.
And as a fellow rural Arkansas female like Potts, here's the paragraph from the essay that most resonated with me:
When it came to liquor, there were two modes in Clinton: alcoholism or abstinence. This paralleled the bifurcated morality I saw everywhere: Girls were either virgins or whores; students were either geniuses or failures; you could go to church or you could be a sinner. The town seemed to operate in two modes—the buttoned-up propriety of the churchgoers, who held power in the county, versus the rowdy hillbillies in families like my dad’s. The rigid divide allowed no room for subtleties or missteps.
Even children were sorted into the binary: the upstanding citizens and the ne’er-do-wells.
I recommend it in its entirety and am looking forward to the book's release next month.
This was such an interesting and relatable blog. I relate to dreams of "getting out." When I was younger, I wanted to move to Los Angeles so badly I didn't care what it would take. My mom was a teenage mother and constantly warned me that "one night with a boy could ruin my entire future." I took this to heart and thankfully made it to LA baby-free.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, growing up in Merced, there wasn't much for us teenagers to do besides smoke, drink, party, and hook up with other kids. Almost all my friends I grew up with are mothers now while none of my friends from college and law school are. While I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with staying in your hometown and starting a family young, as I near the end of my law school career, and marvel about where my life has taken me, I constantly think about the dreams my mom would have accomplished had she not had to sacrifice them for us.